Have you ever tried spray tans? Or tanning lotion? I don't mean tanning lotion like sunscreen. I mean the type that slowly turns your skin orange over the course of a week until you eventually resemble a carrot. Or a bag of Cheetos. I used the lotion once. It was summer and I was already becoming a little bit tanned, but since I was working in an office, I didn't have a lot of opportunities during the week to keep my tan up. So, I figured that a bit of tanning lotion would be a good idea.
Sure, it claimed on the tube that it was "bronzer"... but I sure didn't turn bronze.
The first day or two was okay. I was a little tiny bit glowy, but overall, nothing too drastic. But by day three and four, I was starting to turn into a pumpkin. And by the end of the week, the palms of my hands were bright orange, my skin was a bit streaky in parts and also a nice orange shade, and the tan I had been working on had disappeared beneath all this colour.
Even more depressing? Around my ankles were finger marks where I had rubbed the lotion into my legs but hadn't gone much farther below the ankle. Sad.
Oh the tragedy of the fake tan.
The funny thing is that I see people all the time on the bus or the train or at work or at school who clearly haven't learned yet that fake tanning makes them look, well, fake! Note to sixteen year old girls everywhere: Do not use spray tans or tanning lotion unless you are auditioning for the carriage that carted Cinderella to the ball. Or if you want to look like her...
My final thought on the subject: If you have ever tried a fake tan of any kind, I have the book for you. TANNED, TONED AND TOTALLY FAKING IT. I promise you will love it. Additionally, if you are into celebrity life, romance, have felt the bitterness of a breakup or just want a nice, fun beach read, check it out. :) It was a bestseller for a few days on Amazon.ca and if we pass the word along, it can get out there even more. If you pass word to a friend, I promise** the gods of Tanning will smile upon you this summer...
Love and peace, ya'll.
**Disclaimer: the gods of Tanning cannot be controlled by a mere mortal. This promise is not legally binding. :)