Bachelorette Thoughts... "I'm called to something bigger"...

Alright, folks, here are a few of my thoughts from this week's Bachelorette. I hope you enjoy them as much I enjoyed thinking them. Or something like that.

• Michael wearing that horrific yellow headband in the first two minutes. I've had my issues with the Jesus haircut already, and this just takes it to a whole new level. It's just... wrong.
• Bermuda! Gorgeous! Somehow I will travel there, someday.......
• Before Doug leaves on the first date of the show, he was super nervous, so of course the other guys had to make fun of him a little... and Dougie freaked! He was getting so angry, his face was going all red. I wanted to reach into the TV and shake him. Seriously, man, chill. Anyhoo... Arie summed it up pretty well when he said that Doug is like the Hulk. "Doug angry. Doug smash. Doug sad." Ha! Not going to lie... Doug keeps coming across as someone with a simmering temper right below the surface. Creeps me out!

Doug totally has the Angry Hulk eyes...

• On their date, Doug and Emily were talking about how Doug seems too 'on the surface perfect', and Emily was concerned. She asks if he ever has bad days. He says yes, that he is sometimes grumpy and short. Then he says that right before Emily walked into the house that day, "I had just scolded the boys." Is it just me, or does Doug not come across as a total dillweed? I mean, a) who says that? and b) he wasn't scolding the boys... he was turning red and trying not to run across the room and punch Arie out for a little bit of light teasing. Doug has issues. Then, going on, Emily is worried that Doug is like Brad. And yes, yes he is. Both are angry bears that will growl and attack if poked.
• When Emily asked Doug about his flaws, the best he came up with are "I spend too much time with my kid" and "I don't clean my girlfriend's car enough." Then he claims it's hard to think of flaws. Hmmm.... not me. I can think of a ton of flaws. I have stretch marks that refuse to fade. My hair is that awkward pumpkin coloured shade of red. I am obsessed with checking my email. I bite my fingernails. I use the word 'freaking' way too much in daily conversation. I prefer sweats to jeans... unless they are stretch jeans. I dip my fries in Dairy Queen blizzards and gross my husband out in the process. I could go on. Maybe it's a good sign of self esteem that Dougie can't think of flaws, come to think of it. Perhaps I need a therapist.
• Back on subject. I hate how Doug refers to himself in the third person as Doug. 'Doug likes Emily'. Shudder. Whitney wants to staple herself in the eye for having to watch creepy Doug for one more week at least, since he got the rose. Gag.
• Group date. How fun would that be to have ten guys racing in boats, all desperate to win an evening with you? Jef even wore his fingers down to nubbins over it. Now that is true love. Or good TV. One of the two. (And I was rooting for yellow team. I like Sean, but I like Arie and Jef too... so... yay for team yellow!) Also, was it just me, or were you hoping that one of the teams would flip their sailboat? Man, that would have been Titantic-level epicness.

Trying to keep track of how many guys have tatoos. Arie's is probably the ugliest I've seen yet... what is that, a wing?

• On the group date, Ryan referred to Emily as his future 'trophy wife'. Emily is not impressed. Ryan is such a meathead. Then, he continues his winning streak by telling Emily that she's "been given a great responsibility" by being the Bachelorette. Seeing Arie kiss Emily last night is going to show the millions of girls who idolize Emily that it's okay to be a skank, or somthing along those lines. (Because, clearly, the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows are the place to go for good role models, duh!) Then he goes all holy on her, quoting scriptures, then says he has a "mature approach to relationships". Finally, the greatest Ryan quote of the night is, when talking about Emily one day not having the Barbie-doll figure she has now, "God designed you to be a beautiful woman, so be a beautiful woman." I just don't know why Emily doesn't send him home. He is so... fake.

I'm a religious Ken Doll who wants a perfect, plastic Barbie with the heart of Mother Teresa. Oh, and she can never eat a donut. Ever.

• Most awkward 2 on 1 date of all time. Period. And then when nobody wanted to eat the apparently nasty looking dinner? The icing on top. Poor Emily.
• Oh, and did I mention that I was asked to be Emily's body double when she wore the bikini and jumped into the water? Shifty eyes. If only... cause dang, she looked amazing. Way to give me an inferiority complex! lol
• Didn't Emily's black jacket that she wore on the 2 on 1 date look like it was a normal sized jacket that got shrunk in the wash? It's the first article of clothing on her that I've found to be hideous. Glad to see Emily's not always perfect!
• 2 on 1 date over. Wolf (I guarantee nobody calls him that in real life) stays. Nate (who we've never seen talk until today) leaves. Sorry, Nate.

• Rose ceremony. Emily's outfit was gorgeous. Also, in a few shots, she totally looked like Paris Hilton. Which was weird.
• Ryan and Michael/Jesus in front of the fire. How romantic. There you go, Ryan. At least Michael will be your friend. "I'm called to something bigger" than this. "Let's do Bachelor Ryan", because he knows alot of media in his hometown, or something. Is he for real? I think he wins the most annoying award of the night!
• I love you, Jef, but seriously, honey, you have got to a) cut your hair, and b) destroy the outfit you wore to the rose ceremony and burn all photographic evidence that it ever existed. The black collared shirt, with a black sports coat, khaki shorts and blue knee high soccer socks were just too, too much. Jef seems like a genuinely nice guy but his style makes Ben from last season seem like a Prada wearing super model. But, regardless of his fashion sense, aren't Jef and Emily cute? It's like they are high school crushes. Love them and can't wait to see them go on a one and one date eventually!

Kiss me, you fool!

• Ryan and Doug talking (geesh, there is a LOT of Ryan tonight... tone down his edit, please!!) about how it's okay they haven't kissed Emily yet. Seemed like a lot of blustering to me. Then Ryan throws out this gem. "You don't establish a relationship based on physical". This, while more or less true, is a bit rich coming from Mr. "If You Get Fat I Won't Love On You" from last week. Look, I know most guys on the Bachelorette are a little into themselves, but Ryan has got to be the most self-centered, obnoxious creature out there! Shania Twain's 'That Don't Impress Me Much' song describes him, doesn't it? 'I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket, or a comb up his sleeve, just in case.' etc.
• I loved Emily and Chris Harrison having their little chat. Emily seems like a much more normal, less giggly, and more mature individual seeing her without the awkwardness of dating a ton of guys while being filmed. Loved this.
• Emily acted like a twelve year old with her first crush when asked about Arie. They are so sweet together. I also like Emily and Sean. Not sure which one I prefer at this point. Both seem so sweet.
• Really? She kept Alejandro the wanna-be-Backstreet-Boy over Charlie?

"Backstreet's Back, alright!" If I only had a brain!

• But, at least... drum roll please... no more Michael! And it's time to party and move on to London!

So what did you think? Are you excited for next week in London? I'm looking forward to getting to see more of Jef and Sean when they both get a one on one date with her. And the drama with Emily freaking out at (probably?) Kalon and kicking him out! Wooo! Can't wait!

What did you think of tonight? Is Doug as much of an idiot in your eyes as he is in mine? And whoa re your top picks for Em?

Until next week, if you want to keep that happy glow of romance burning bright in your soul (or something cheesy like that), check out my novel Tanned, Toned and Totally Faking It, a modern day Notting Hill with secrets, love, laughs and heartbreak! You can read the first few chapters free on Amazon! :)

PS- final thought of the night. Ryan isn't a Ken Doll... on second thought, he's totally Gaston from Beauty and the Beast! Can't you see it?!?! Ha!